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The Importance of Having a Frugal Partner

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I have always maintained that living a frugal lifestyle is as much about psychology as it is about tactics and techniques.

There’s little point  swapping to shops-own brands to save on groceries, only foreveryone in your house turns up their nose at the new products.

Frugality is a mindset – a way of life, if you like. It’s not just about tools – it’s also an ability and willingness to use them consistently.

Thinking about my personal transition from spender to saver recently, I realized that one of the most important elements has been having a partner that supports this lifestyle. Past girlfriends have been far less controlled financially, living each day at a time in a “YOLO” manner.

My current girlfriend, if anything, is even more frugal than I am. Together we therefore make an ideal couple, having very similar values. There is no “temptation” and no disagreement and whether to spend money or not. We’re both “on the same page”.

Consider one of the best analogies I see crop up continually among my friends – the couple who decide to quit smoking. If one partner continues to smoke, it makes it much more challenging for the other individual to stay the course.

Almost as bad is the couple who agree to quit together, only for one of them to fall by the wayside some days or weeks later. It’s almost inevitable that the other individual will follow suit soon enough.

No, a critical part of gaining control of your finances, and building a strong financial future, is having a partner with the same values, with whom you can navigate life’s choppy waters. Someone who will hold you back in moments of weakness, celebrate your successes and contribute to your joint financial success – rather than secretly sabotaging matters with unhealthy spending habits.

Before making any changes to your financial situation, therefore, it is critical to get your partner on board – and to do things as a couple, rather than two individuals living in the same house. Without this support, it’s infinitely more likely that you’ll soon be “smoking” again.

So how do you achieve this goal?

Discuss Your Goals

The first step in achieving financial freedom when in a relationship is an open and honest communication channel about money. If you have concerns that your financial situation isn’t what it should be, then taking time to sit down and discuss the situation is critical.

Try to get to know your partner’s financial outlook and attitudes; are they a spender or a saver? Are they happy with how you spend money? How open are they to change?

Arguably, most importantly, discuss where you’d like to get to. What is the eventual goal? Is your focus a financially-sound retirement – or even an early retirement? Do you want to build your savings with a specific goal in mind? Does one of you want to work part-time to spend more time with the kids?

The key here is to understand each other’s financial priorities, to find the common ground that you agree on, and to try and talk through any differences to reach a consensus as to what your financial goals as a couple should be.

Appreciate Your Current Situation

You now know your goals. The next obvious question is how likely you are to achieve this with your current financial situation. Do you need to earn more? Or spend less?

Are you needlessly spending money on things that don’t bring you pleasure? Be open and honest – and just as importantly non-judgemental. In many cases each individual will feel that their own spending is entirely reasonable, while believing that it is their partner that is “ruining things” and should make changes.

Avoid pointing blame – you’re just trying to look at the facts like a detective, looking for clues on where your money is going, and how things might be improved.

Now might be a good time to grab some recent bank statements, together with a notepad and pen. Figure out exactly where your money has been going, and what obvious solutions there are to improve your current situation.

Make a Plan to Achieve Your Goals

You’ve decided on your joint goals, and have looked at the cold hard facts about your situation. Hopefully by now you’ll be confident that you understand your current situation – your outstanding debt, regular income, pension pots, spending and so on.

From here it’s time to start making a plan to achieve your goals. In truth, plans can be quite fluid, especially if you’re dealing with a partner who isn’t careful with money. Remember: baby steps to start with. Your plan can be revisited and refined each month if necessary, as you slowly steer the boat towards calmer waters.

So decide, as a couple, what you might be able to do. Are one or both of you willing to work longer hours, or to transfer to a new role to grow your income? Will you consider starting a side hustle such as a blog?

At the other end of the scale, what expenses can be cut back without too much discomfort? Which bills can you economize on? Can you get a better deal on your mortgage, on your car insurance, or utilities? Question every expense you found in your bank statements, and look to either eliminate or reduce them as you see fit.

Squeezing both sides of the coin – income and spending – should then produce enough “slack” in the middle to start making positive steps towards a stronger financial future. Save more. Invest more. Bulk up your pensions. Improve your life insurance. Plan for putting your kids through college.

Heck – maybe even enjoy yourselves a little more and take an extra vacation, or replace your tired old sofa. The key here is to free up capital as a couple, and to decide what to do with that money to help you achieve your goals.   

Commit to the Plan

Just as in a relationship, commitment is key. There’s little point in going through all this effort if your partner isn’t onboard – or says they are only to revert to their old ways of spending.

Both and you and your partner should therefore be comfortable – excited even – to commit to your new financial plan that will finally help you to plan for a secure, enjoyable future.

Track Progress & Celebrate Wins

They say that what gets measured gets managed. In today’s busy world it’s all too easy to make a plan – then forget all about it all too soon.

Trust me, I’ve been there, making New Year’s Resolutions each year to finally pay off my debt, only to find myself making the same resolutions twelve months later, wondering where on earth that year went!

The final step in getting your partner onboard is therefore to schedule regular budget reviews.

Compare your plan with your actual progress – how do the two compare? What changes can be made to your plan to take things up a notch? What is working well? What needs extra effort, or even to be changed entirely?

This tracking and “course-correction” aspect is critical for your ongoing success. And when you’re both working hard, and ticking those boxes each month, be prepared to celebrate a little.

You don’t have to blow your budget – there are lots of ways to treat yourself frugally – but do something to reward your progress, congratulating yourselves for hitting important milestones along the way.

How does your partner’s financial outlook differ from your own? How have you successfully encouraged your partner to improve the family finances? What didn’t work so well for you? Please leave your experiences in the comment section below so we can all learn from, and support, one another…

Your partner can have a massive impact on your personal finances. How do you help someone transition from spender to saver? How do you get on the same page, and plan your finances together? How do you both focus on the same personal finance goals? Read on for some practical tips on making your money and your relationship work together.

Richard

Sun-worshipper and obsessive frugality blogger. For loads more money-saving advice come and join us on Facebook.

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